The Definitive Guide to Making Your Own Darn Sandwich, Dear

Is your partner a lovely person who does not yet know how to adult? Do they astound you almost daily with their lack of basic survival skills? Well, you are in luck! I’m here to help.

When your partner claims to not have the knowledge or skill required to make their own sandwich, don’t get mad. Simply show them this helpful guide!

Here is the definitive guide to making your own darn sandwich:

Step 1. Gather your supplies.

Today we’re just making your basic turkey sandwich that shouldn’t offend even the pickiest omnivore. We have here: bread, cheese, turkey, mustard, and mayo. Don’t forget the plate and knife!

The sandwich ingredients and supplies.

Step 2. Preparing the bread.

Place two slices of bread on the plate. Spread condiments of choice on bread.

That mustard is thrilled that you are taking steps toward true adult independence!

Step 3. Apply meat and cheese.

Open turkey package. Open cheese package. Apply both to one slice of bread in the form of a stack. Optional: veggies. I usually do, however, this guide is for picky eaters.

I prefer for my mustard and cheese not to touch because it seems weird. Use your discretion.

Step 4. Close it up.

Place unoccupied slice of bread on top of bread-turkey-cheese stack, condiment side down.

Congratulations! Your sandwich is complete!

Step 5. Completing your task.

Your sandwich is now complete and you’re ready to taste the sweet, sweet flavor of low-sodium honey roasted turkey mixed with success. But, wait! There is one more thing left to do…

Don’t forget to clean up after yourself! Your partner will be happily surprised and nobody will get yelled at for letting the mayo go bad (again)!


I hope that you enjoyed this guide and that it has been helpful to you. Please note that while almost everything that I used in this guide was from Target’s Market Pantry brand, this was not a sponsored post. I just really enjoy the Target ambience and $aving$.

If you would be interested in more passive-aggressive guides, please comment below with your suggestions.

With love,


5 Reasons Why I’m a Terrible Homemaker…

(and have learned to be okay with it!)

I keep trying to teach her how to do the laundry but she just can’t reach!

You guys, things have been really quiet here on FBB. Part of it has been having a packed schedule. Part of it has been the general state of the world getting me down. However, if I’m being honest, the biggest reason is that I am a terrible homemaker. Here are 5 reasons why:

  1. I have a toddler living with me. Flora is a beautiful, intelligent, incredible tiny lady. Tidy she is not. I know, all of the other parents out there are shocked.
  2. I now commute 45 minutes each way to and from work. I’m also a part time studentI have to budget my time. Sometimes that means not picking up the toys in the den or folding laundry. Sorry not sorry.
  3. I have re-committed to my physical fitness. Y’all, I don’t think that I’m by any means in need of weight loss but it is really embarrassing when you can’t even bench press an empty bar. I try to hit the gym 3-5 days a week for at least an hour after work. (There’s an instagram about it too!) See above: budgeting time.
  4. There is a man in my house. I’m not saying that all men are messy. I’m just saying that some of them are used to someone else doing the bulk of the cleaning and never having to put anything away themselves.
  5. I had to cut myself some slack. Maybe homes where actual humans live aren’t meant to always be “company ready.” I have had to learn to be okay with that. I now aim for hygenic and comfortable.
Pro tip: carefully stage close-up IG shots so nobody knows that your sink is full of dishes less than two feet away.

I know I’ve been quiet lately but I really do plan on being back here more regularly. Maybe once a week instead of once a month. Aim high! Right? 😉

As always, with love,